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Love myself I do. Not everything, but I love the good as well as the bad. I love my crazy lifestyle, and I love my hard discipline. I love my freedom of speech and the way my eyes get dark when I'm tired. I love that I have learned to trust people with my heart, even if it will get broken. I am proud of everything that I am and will become.

Thursday, October 24, 2019

Open Your Heart, Stop Judging Yourself

Q. I am constantly criticizing myself and judging other people. I want to open my heart and I don’t know how to do it.

Every child is always told he is wrong in everything. Slowly, slowly he catches the disease of criticizing himself. And a person who criticizes himself cannot forgive others. How can he forgive? His whole life simply becomes a condemnation – condemn yourself, condemn others. Then love becomes impossible, friendship becomes impossible, and he simply suffers.
Whenever you say to somebody, “No, you are wrong,” you feel powerful. It feeds your ego. Wherever the child goes, everybody is enjoying power, and the child is crushed. And when so many people are saying that he is wrong, naturally he has to believe it.
But remember, as a reaction, he starts judging others. When everybody else is judging him, there is no reason why he should not judge others. You are teaching him to judge, to judge everybody and as much as possible to judge negatively.

And this is our world  where everybody is judging himself as wrong and judging everybody else as wrong. How can you be loving, friendly, trusting? How can you open your heart? It is not a beautiful situation. You have to understand: asking me, “How to open my heart?” is not the real question. The real question is how you managed to close it.
Whatever you are doing, if you like doing it, do it. There is no question of judgment; nobody else has the right to say that what you are doing is wrong. If you enjoy it, you are not harming anybody, you are not disturbing anybody.
So instead of judging, start accepting yourself with all your imperfections, frailties, mistakes and failures. Don’t ask yourself to be perfect. That is simply asking for something impossible, and then you will feel frustrated. You are a human being after all.
Once you accept yourself, you will be able to accept others because you will have a clear insight that they are suffering from the same disease. And your acceptance of them will help them accept themselves.
We can reverse the whole process: accept yourself. That makes you capable of accepting others. And because somebody accepts them, they learn the beauty of acceptance for the first time  how peaceful it feels  and they start accepting others.
If humanity comes to a point where everybody is accepted as he is, almost 90% of misery will simply disappear and your hearts will open of their own accord and your love will be flowing.
Nobody is perfect, so you have to accept a state of no-love, or accept that it doesn’t matter whether somebody is imperfect. Love can be shared, shared with all kinds of people. Don’t make demands.
Love them, respect them, and perhaps your love and respect may help them change many of their weaknesses, many of their failures  because love will give them a new energy, a new meaning, a new strength. Love will give them new roots to stand against strong winds, a hot sun, heavy rains.
If just a single person loves you, it makes you so strong that you cannot imagine it. The heart will open by itself. Don’t be worried about the heart. Just do the primary spade work.

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